Tips for Surviving the Waiting Room of Life!

11 Feb 2011 | By

Oh my gosh it has been the longest 6 weeks of my life! Other than waiting for the delivery of an overdue baby, or waiting for escrow to close on our first and second Home, I don’t think I have been in the Waiting Room of Life this long before!

Have you ever been waiting for an answer in your life that would change the course of your life for a significant period of time? Maybe it was the results of a medical test; I have waited for those too. One was for a tumor to see if I had breast cancer, that was a pins and needles (no pun intended) time. The other was when my son Gabe at 2 years old had a mole removed the doctor was sure was malignant and my son would require follow up treatment, chemo and more. Both the results were benign and we were so very grateful.

When you are asked to sit in the Waiting Room of Life it is excruciating. I so understand and it seems time ticks at a completely different rate than when life is honky dory. Time seems to effortlessly go along through life and answers to life’s problems seem to be immediate and there is no waiting. But when you are shown the door to the Waiting Room of Life you put your arms and feet out to stop entering as you know in your heart and mind you are going to have to WAIT for the answer!

Waiting is just no fun, unless you know the answer like when a plane is arriving with the love of your life on it, and you are waiting until you can jump in their arms, kissing them. It is a little nerve racking but you know the answer when they show up you jump in their arms and kiss. You know the end result of the waiting. Or when a fat check is on its way and will arrive in a day or two. As you are waiting you can think of how you will spend it and bask in the peace of mind it is bringing you.

But when you enter the Waiting Room of Life with no set answer and only in the waiting will you find out what the answer is, it is truly as I refer to it a GORK time. God Only Really Knows the outcome! This can be the most difficult of all waiting.  This past 6 weeks My Waiting Room experience has been about my work, waiting on a large client to finish the contract and offer so we can decide if I am on board or not. This is a project I am so very excited to be a part of I can taste it. You know the kind where it is tailor made for you! The opportunity gets you so excited to join the team and get started you feel physically sick as time slowly ticks in the Waiting Room of Life. The other part of this opportunistic, project is that I would need to move to Los Angeles too. That is a huge change for me and my family as I have lived in Orange County for over 30 years. Yet as I thought of the idea of moving I became more and more excited, which in turn added more to the time in the Waiting Room of Life. I sure wish someone would change out the pictures and magazines like in your doctor’s office, I find myself so bored and wanting something to do! Yet all I can do is waiting!

What I have discovered in the Waiting Room of Life is the following: (I hope you find these tips helpful)

1. When you realize you are in the Waiting Room of Life in regards to an answer to a desire or aspect of your life, write down what it is you do want concerning this opportunity or situation? Become very clear what you are looking for on the other side of this waiting room experience.

2. Ask honestly is there anything I can be doing to enhance the situation or bring it along faster? What action steps could I take to create the results I desire?

3. If there is not any thing you can do to receive an answer sooner, as the entire opportunity or situation is in the hands of someone else, you must then learn the process of letting go! Which I will help you with below.

If you are experiencing anxiety, stress or emotional overwhelm while in the Waiting Room of Life I implore you to do the above to bring clarity to the situation and the following techniques and processes to create peace of mind during this time.  Warning it takes emotional muscle to do the following steps and you may find yourself at times asking isn’t it easier to be full of anxiety, bite people’s heads off at the drop of a hat then becoming more aware and being neutral in the Waiting Room of Life?

The benefit to experience that peace that surpasses all understanding while being in the Waiting Room of Life is priceless.

So how do you feel peaceful when your very life is in major transition and you have no idea how it will pan out?   If you have noted there is nothing left to do but wait in the Waiting Room of Life, you can begin learning how to wait in peace instead of feeling anxiety, stress or emotional overwhelm.

1. Check in with your Mind, what is it ranting, raving or saying over and over again. Most people never bring their thoughts into question; they just allow them to run rampant in their minds, like unsupervised 3 year olds!  I recommend writing down your thoughts. So you can see them on paper. Often a client will say out loud no wonder I was full of anxiety or feeling overwhelmed who wouldn’t with all this negativity running amok! Once you see the thoughts and realize how they are affecting you can create changes in how you feel by changing your thoughts. Once you have your list of not so hot thoughts now write the positive thoughts to focus on of what you do want to see unfold.

2. Next is check in with who you are allowing in your sphere of influence in your Waiting Room of Life! Are they supportive or saying things you know life never turns out the way we want it to, or why would that work out for you? Or laundry list of other not so helpful or supportive statements. If there is a committee of these types around you fire them, let them go then go about to find supportive people to engage with while you are in the Waiting Room of Life. You don’t want just Polly Anna types either that sugar coat things to the point of a major insulin reaction either, but reasonable types who see your vision and are positive to be around. You can check in to see if a person is worthy of being in your inner circle if you feel empowered after spending time with them or do you feel drained and hopeless. If you feel the later only be around those types in very small doses. Trust me your Waiting Room of Life experience will be much more pleasant.

3. Learn Techniques to reduce or resolve completely the emotional feelings or as I call them charges while you are in the Waiting Room of Life. There are many methodologies out there used by many people to change the emotional experience during the waiting time as well as for living a peaceful existence!

EFT :Emotional Freedom Technique which uses tapping on specific areas of your face and body while making statements. I am not a EFT Specialist so I won’t elaborate, if you are interested in trying this tool, more information can be found on line. I have heard good things about this work. 

Hypnotherapy is also used with great success. I personally know one I highly recommend Rob Willhite he is based out of Los Angeles you can contact him at rwillhite@earthlink.net . His clients rave about the difference he has made in their lives with his skill as a Hypnos therapist. Let him know BB referred you.

ESS Training: The Techniques I train my clients with are the CORE, SEE and GAP. I learned these techniques from the founder of this work, Tom Stone of Great Life Technologies. I worked with him for over 4 years and became one of his top coaches and trainers of the techniques.  There are three techniques I train my clients on so they can reduce and in many cases resolve the anxiety and frustration they can feel in life as well as the Waiting Room of Life. The great thing about the three techniques is once a client learns them they become Emotional Self Sufficient in their own lives, never having to fear being emotionally overwhelmed again.

The three ways emotional overwhelm or anxiety shows up in our lives is thru

  1. Projecting a negative outcome on the future
  2. An unmet expectation
  3. Unresolved trauma from our past

When we as people feel overwhelmed we consciously or subconsciously say I cannot deal with all of this so we store the overwhelm of the moment in a file in our being called The Later File. The problem is after the trauma has passed and life is back to somewhat normal, no one ever goes back to empty The Later File. So the emotional charge of the event is stored in our body. There is an accumulation of files in The Later File from all the events of our lives all there charged and ready to react when an emotional event similar to the one stored happens. The new event triggers the original emotional charge and watch out for over reactivity to happen or anxiety to become worse or feelings of depression to deepen.

The three Techniques; CORE, SEE and GAP all work to resolve the stored emotional energy so that it becomes a page in our history book of life as an event that we experienced but not holding the same charge as before.

When we are in the Waiting Room of Life having these old emotional charges in our being create the discomfort of waiting for our answer.  Though we have been conditioned to believe they are part of life; anxiety, doubt, distrust, frustration, anger and overwhelm and we have to just get over it. This is not true! We can actually learn how to resolve them so they do not overwhelm us and cause hours if not days of discomfort, especially while in the Waiting Room of Life.

Here are a couple testimonials of clients of mine, so you don’t think I am making this all up. J

Hi BB, You are the very best. My sincere thanks for spending the time with me this morning. I’ve already used the techniques I learned this morning a dozen times and am feeling NO anxiety about finances. Yippee. I will sing your praises from the rooftops and will be delighted to write this on your wall and mine. Big hugs, Christina

“Thank you BarBara for meeting Stephanie yesterday. Your sessions are so powerful that as we left she seemed like a different person. That cloud of sadness and despair was gone. She is focused and fully present. You are a wonderful lady and I feel blessed to have you in my life!”

Liz, Mother of the teen I worked with.

Hi BB, You are the very best. My sincere thanks for spending the time with me this morning. I’ve already used the techniques I learned this morning a dozen times and am feeling NO anxiety about finances. Yippee. I will sing your praises from the rooftops and will be delighted to write this on your wall and mine. Big hugs, Christina

Barbara’s work did something I never thought possible. I harbored a life long fear of public speaking but always felt drawn to a career that involved public speaking. I finally got an interview for a job that required me to conduct a sample presentation before a panel audience. The anxiety and terror of the upcoming presentation was paralyzing me as the day drew near. The day before, I called BB in a panic. An hour later, I got off of the phone knowing that something had definitely changed. The energetic releases I experienced during that call were something I had never experienced in any other form of healing. That afternoon I was unusually calm and focused as I finished my preparation for the next day. When I gave my presentation, I was stunned to discover that I was completely calm and confident leading up AND throughout the entire presentation. A few days later, I gave a speech for my Toastmaster club and was impressed at how calm and confidence I felt. Once again – zero anxiety! BB’s work gave me the power and freedom to pursue work that I love!

 

-         Karen, Irvine, CA

 

Wow I just noticed the length of this post so I think I will write the how to do the Three Techniques CORE, SEE and GAP in my next blog so I can expand the thoughts more too. Also the steps above will assist you in creating clarity and prepare you to do the actual techniques when I share more about them.

Just doing the above steps will ease your Waiting Room Experience and assist you in becoming more peaceful even without an answer.

I know for a fact this is true as I still don’t have mine as of yet! Maybe I will be the time I post more about the techniques.

Feel free to ask questions, post opinions and interact with me as I love the insights, feedback and more. 

Hugs,

BB

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Welcome to a life free of anxiety, stress & emotional overwhelm!

03 Nov 2010 | By

Live for Clarity or Emotional Self Sufficiency is a company that is all about training individuals, groups, business teams, Veterans and their families, victims of violent crimes how to resolve anxiety, stress and emotional overwhelm.

We all have been conditioned by our parents, society, and life experiences to avoid  feeling, fully for fear we cannot handle all those feelings. So we learn to push our emotions and ignore them. The challenge is unresolved emotions are like splinters in our bodies wanting to push to the surface and be healed.  I can prove this by asking you to think of the most Happiest moment in your life, allow yourself to feel the memory. Typically clients tell me that they feel an all over body sensation of happiness or joy. It feels good,  a nice memory. They may even smile.  Next I ask you think of a devastating or disappointing time in your life?  Check in with your body as to where you feel the memory. Most often a client will tell me they feel it some where on their torso, sometimes back or shoulders. It feels like a ugh, a tight place or yucky feeling. Almost as if the event is happening all over again as far as the sensation in their body expresses. The difference of feeling is that when they Happy moment happened you wanted to be fully present to it, take in every juicy detail. You didn’t think Oh I am too Overwhelmingly happy I must deal with this later. NO you were fully present to the emotion and event. So you felt it fully every bit of it. Unlike the devastating or disappointing time you may have had business, other people to take care of at that time or it was just too much to deal with for you at that moment. You consciously said or unconsciously said “I cannot deal with this all at once I will deal with this later” The rub is later never comes and this emotional energy is stored in your body trying to be expressed, felt fully so it can be just a page in your life history book. BUT we are trained to push it away not to feel it fully as we are conditioned to beleive we may not be able to handle it. So it feels like it is happening all over again when a trigger hits us like a smell, a person or a memory.

This is why drug addiction, alcoholism and other ways we mask emotions is so rampant in our world. People are not trained how to feel fully, be present to uncomfortable feelings and know they will be ok. Instead we are often floating in a sea of emotional overwhelm tossed to a fro from the expereinces we have and trying desperately to get over them or get them behind us as fast as possible. The challenge here is they never go away that way, they are not completed, so they continue to come to the surface like a splinter deep in our skin pushing to be come all the way out. Our emotions that are not dealt with are wanting to be completed so we can attain the wisdom from the event, not locked in the emotional upheaval of it.

I have worked with combat Vets and victims of violent crimes who believed they could never fully live again as they have this event or events in their mind and memory for ever. They feel as if they are held hostage by the emotional energy about the event and can never truly enjoy life again.  The amazing thing that happens is once they learn the techniques and tools they can resolve the emotional trauma event and they do move on, no longer being held hostage emotionally, but free to be fully present in their lives.

Many of my clients are also people who have their own traumatic experiences that hinder them from feeling fully in the moment. They have their own emotional skeletons or beach balls they are holding underwater all these unresolved emotional energies keep them from enjoying life fully. Their relationships, business and life in general suffers from the unresolved emotions they have stored over time. When they learn the techniques and tools they are amazed at how much more energy they have and how  their capacity to enjoy life is enlarged.

I know I haven’t given you the techniques and tools in this blog entry, and you are probably very curious to learn them. I promise I will share how they work and how you can implement them in your life, so you can experience a life free of anxiety, stress and emotional overwhelm.

I look forward to comments, questions and learning more and more how I can support you to achieve what you desire in life, by living a more effortless, energized and exciting life.

I invite you to  join the Lose Your Holiday Blues tele seminar at no cost on go to free training page on this blog to sign up.

I look forward to meeting you there.

Enthusiastically,

BarBara Whorley

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BB’s Pasta Thoughts Against the Wall of Life! Questions to ask yourself!

08 Dec 2011 | By
BB’s Pasta
Thoughts Against the Wall of Life: When upset with life’s circumstances ask
these three questions. 1. Am I projecting a negative outcome on my future from
this situation? Nothing is real except right NOW and that is the only place you
can make a difference in your future is by taking action in the NOW. Living as if
the future is here by worrying or getting upset is a waste of your NOW. I will
share the other questions later. Chew on this one today. Remember always the
only change you can make in your future is the actions you take today in your
present NOW!
Enthusiastically,

BarBara aka BB Whorley

Emotional Self
Sufficiency(ESS)

ESS Training
reduces& in most cases resolves symptoms of Anxiety & PTSD in our
returning Troops & First Responders.

BarBara@BarBaraWhorley.com

Works with the following programs:

www.ride2recovery.com & www.purplestarfamilies.org

 

 

 

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Where in the world has BB been?

06 Nov 2011 | By

Hello Living for Clarity Readers,

Many of you have inquired to what have I been up to the past 7 months. My life has changed in every possible way. I am amazed at the effortlessness of my life. The energy I have to ride a bicycle for a week up to 500 miles and the excitement I have riding along our returning Troops and family members is beyond words. You maybe wondering what exactly have I been up to. Well here goes a quick explanation. Last March I went on a ride with www.Ride2Recovery.coma program for injured Vets riding cycles across the US.  They asked me to join the rides to be support for the Vets to offer the coaching and trainings I give to reduce the symptoms of  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. On the first ride in Texas, I drove a truck as support for the riders.  During the ride in Texas I realized that Ride2Recovery was a perfect way to reach out to our Troops and offer the training and coaching. I was asked to join the rides but instead of driving a truck for support I was to ride a bicycle along side the Vets. Wow I hadn’t ridden seriously in over 20 years. Our next ride was set for Memorial Day from Washington DC to Virgina Beach, over 350 miles. Oh really I was going to need some serious training. The challenge was with my travel schedule I was going to have to ride on exercycles in the hotels I was staying. Yikes! But I knew this was the place I was meant to be so I did just that, I rode over 30 miles a day on the oldest exercycles you could imagine. By the time I flew to DC for the ride I was ready except for the 103 temperature I had as I had come down with a flu bug. By day two of the ride I was ready to try a 59 mile day. 95% humidity and 95 degree weather was a great way to start! Not! Yet how could I not there were individuals on the ride that were double and even quadruple amputees, I couldn’t back out now. This ride was a game changer for me, my life was completely changed over the next 6 days. I ended the ride finishing over 250 miles and feeling accomplished. Our next ride was Minnesota Great Lakes Challenge, I now had a road bike to train on for the next 5 weeks, I trained as often as I could, I rode every day and every mile! I was able to coach with several Vets who were challenged with PTSD symptoms. What an amazing feeling to ride along side these incredible men and women as well as having the opportunity to share the amazing Techniques that reduced the invisible wounds of war they carried with them. Our next ride was just two weeks later the 9/11 ride 580 miles that started at Ground Zero then to Shanksville where the second plane crashed, then to the Pentagon the third planes crash site. We rode 8 days straight of intense emotional events, meeting people who had lost family and friends during this horrific events of 9/11. Again I coached and was available for the riders to ease the many emotions that came to the surface during this ride. Two weeks later we met again for a 550 mile ride in California, The Golden State Challenge, San Francisco to Santa Monica. We rode on the 1 and 101 amazing beauty and huge hills to climb. As I rode along side the breath taking beauty of California Coast I was touched by the stories of our returning Troops and coached as we rode the 6 days. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmingly blessed all I can do is wipe the tears of joy and ride along with the biggest smile ever. Two weeks later we all joined up in Jacksonville Florida to ride to Tampa Florida. This was an easy 300 plus miles of mostly flat land except for freeway overpasses or bridges. During this ride the I had many opportunities to coach individuals who were struggling with symptoms and train life skills as well. The reason being is they have seen me on several rides and they had learned to trust me and knew I was there in their corner 24/7. During the past 7 months as a rider I have learned so much about riding and my abilities to climb big hills has increased beyond my wildest dreams. At the beginning when I saw a hill I would hop off my bike and walk as I didn’t believe I could make it to the top. When I was riding the California Coast some of the biggest climbs ever I rode every one I didn’t walk a single hill or in some cases mountains. What changed is I was mentored and coached by some of the best riders on techniques and skills, I worked at on my own strengthening my physical and mental abilities to handle whatever the size of the hill or mountain before me. The end result is I no longer avoid the opportunity to climb a mountain. I look forward to the challenge it offers. I may go slow but I continue to climb until I am at the Top looking down the other side ready to enjoy the benefit of all my hard work the decline, the down hill, oh to feel the wind whipping by me, knowing I did IT! I realize now when I train a person on the techniques how to reduce their symptoms of PTSD and anxiety, it is very similar for them as well. First I coach and train them to take on the mountains in their life that seem impossible to them. Then as they learn the techniques they begin to train on their own as they have the right tools now to overcome the challenges on their own. Then one day I receive the call they overcame a big emotional mountain in their own life with out me even there. Ah I love it, Emotional Self Sufficiency at its best! Now instead of isolating themselves or drinking, using drugs to avoid the feelings they can now use the tools and techniques to climb up and over the issues like a mountain they climb on their bike.

So rewarding to be allowed to ride along these amazing souls. Oh how my life has changed and I am so very much enjoying every day. My company has become a non profit concerning our Returning Troops and their families. I never charge them ever for the training and coaching I offer. I am able to travel across the country because of generous individuals and companies who sponsor me to stay on the road doing this work with www.ride2recovery.com and other programs that reach out to create a healing enviornement for our Troops. Just a few stats about our returning Troops and families:

  • 18-22 Vets commit suicide every day. That means over 6000 families and friends lose a loved one after being deployed and coming home safely to suicide. We can reduce and even end this horrific number of lost lives if we act now. If you are unable to be on the road like me or join a program that works with our returning Troops then donate to one and be part of the solution
  • This is not a militay issue it is our Nations issue. Did you know Children exposed to suicide are 4x more likely to commit suicide by 18 and if not they are 10x more likely to have a substand abuse issue.
  • This is a generational issue, just because our Troops come home physically they need the support to come all the way home. There are many ways and programs out there to do just this, mine is just one, I realize that, Please find a program to donate to or you can go to www.ride2recovery.com  to the sponsor a rider page it will look like the image below,  any amount helps as this will keep me on every ride working with our men and women who have bravely served so we can enjoy the freedom we experience every day. Thank you for your time to read this post. I will now be posting on a regular basis about the rides and work I do so you can know where in the world is BB today!

Hugs and Loves,

BB

Feel free to contact me with questions or if you have a Vet in your life you are concerned about or desire to learn the techniques to share. BarBara@BarBaraWhorley.co 949 933 0915

Sponsor an Individual

To submit your sponsorship online,
please tell us the name of the rider:

Enter First and Last Name of Rider:
Google Checkout Acceptance Mark

 

 

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Emotional Self Sufficiency Techniques for Anxiety, Emotional Overwhelm and past Traumas

28 Feb 2011 | By

 

I promised I would add to my last post the Emotional Self Sufficiency Techniques for your personal use. At the beginning it does help to have someone walk you through them so you understand how they work and give you tips on using them efficiently. If you need that support please feel free to contact me to set up an appointment to learn how to use them effectively. They are so simple though I want you to see them in the most generic way. That is why I am posting them here.

My passion and purpose is to share the tools openly so you understand how easy they are to use for anxiety, emotional overwhelm and past trauma. When I work with a client typically it takes 6-8 sessions for them to learn the techniques so well they are Emotionally Self Sufficient with the them.

Please review and try them on yourself. You will be amazed how easy and effortless they are to use on issues and challenges in your life.

Again I am here to support you to living a life free of anxiety and emotional overwhelm.

Feel free to contact me to learn more about these life changing tools.

With love for you and a desire to resolve anxiety in peoples lives I share them.

Tom Stone of Great Life Technologies is the founder of this work and I thank him daily in my prayers for freeing me of the constant companions anxiety, emotional overwhelm and past traumas, so that I could live a life in the Wonderment of Uncertainty with ease. We can only affect right now this time in our lives. It does not serve us to live in constant regret or in pain of our past or dread and fear our future. These techniques can support you to learn to live in the NOW effortlessly.

 

CORE: Center Of Remaining Emotion

This technique is used for past emotional hurts or traumas. Generally these are felt in a certain area of the body and contained in that area.

To do the CORE technique you will need to close your eyes so you can locate the field of emotional energy in a certain location within your body. You will then find the center where there is a vortex or darkest part, with laser like focus you feel right into the center until it has completely been resolved or dissipated. So that when you think of that particular event or memory there is no longer a charge in your body. The memory literally becomes a page in your history book. The emotional splinter is gone, no longer there to cause emotional upset.

SEE: Side Entrance Expansion

This technique is used for unmet expectations or the habit of projecting negative outcomes on the future. Generally you feel it as an all over body feeling that radiates past your body, as if you are enveloped or in a bubble of anxiety or energy.

To do the SEE technique again you will close your eyes, allow yourself to feel just how big that field of energy is as it radiates past your body. Some feel huge as if they go on forever, you will eventually locate an edge where it ends. Beyond this edge you will notice a quiet space, some call this Pure Awareness, others refer to it as their source, it doesn’t matter what you call it, just notice how peaceful it feels. Allow yourself to go out into it and move out farther and farther, you will notice the calm, quiet, peacefulness of this space. This is the true essence of you before all the experiences in your life. From here look back with your inner vision at the field of energy you were once in, notice if it has changed, smaller, less intense and so on. Notice to if there is a story running with the energy. “Things never work out, I always screw up, I can never amount to anything and so on.” Ask if you want to give anymore of your life energy to that story. Does it make sense to continue believing it as true? Notice if the intensity you once felt is still present. Can you think of the event or situation and experience no charge, anxiety or stress. Then you completed the energy.

GAP: Great Awareness Place

This one is used to bring clarity and calm into your day.

With your eyes closed allow yourself to notice your thoughts, notice how you hear them in your mind. There are many different thoughts. Just notice them and then notice right behind your thoughts and in between them is a very quiet space. Like when we were a child watching the clouds against the blue sky. Just allow your thoughts to float through your mind. Next put your focus and attention on the blue sky, the quiet between the thoughts. As you do you will feel a sense of quiet, calm, peacefulness to engulf you. Again this is the true nature of you before the people and experiences of your life cluttered your emotional landscape with limiting beliefs and stories. From this place you can see clearly, often have ideas and receive direction of what you need to do next in your life. This is a great way to start the day, use during the day when you feel hectic or chaotic and this is a perfect way to end your day too.

After each exercise breathe deeply and exhale 3-5 times, then think of the issue again and see if it comes back. If you feel some emotional dust bunnies you will need to go back in and use the technique again, until there is no charge or trigger attached to that memory or thought.

Again send me an email if you need more support or have questions.

Enthusiastically,

BarBara Whorley

BarBara@BarBaraWhorley.com

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Conditioning of Looking for Yourself Where YOU are not!

13 Dec 2010 | By

 

Ever feel like if you were thin enough, pretty, handsome or smart enough it would finally work out? 

Or if you had that degree, that house, that person that car or enough money then you would finally be happy and full filled? 

Guess what? Nothing outside yourself will ever full fill what you feel you are lacking in you. As long as you are looking for an item outside yourself to confirm your value on the inside, you will be forever in search of the ever elusive feeling of contentment. 

Sucks, doesn’t it! We have been trained from the time we could understand Toys R Us catalogs, that if we had that cool toy we would be so happy at Christmas and on and on the conditioning continued. Once in school it was have the party everyone wanted to be invited to and then talked about at school. The outfit on the first day of school, the bike then the car. From our parents the grades they could be proud of, the athletic or academia prowess they could also brag about to their friends. We were never really given a chance to seriously develop a strong sense of who we are without doing is more than enough. It has always been attached to our doing. 

Think about it from the time we were born, ah what a GOOD Baby he or she sleeps through the night, doesn’t cry much, and so on. We have been conditioned to look outside ourselves to derive our value, it is no wonder we get to adulthood and we drive ourselves to attend the best colleges, land the right job, earn the right amount of money and so on. 

Yet if it was so fulfilling would we have so many of our compares miserable drowning their feelings of lack in prescription drugs and alcohol, affairs and more? 

The inability to achieve happiness from the inside out is an epidemic issue in our society today. We will finally feel Whole and Complete from the inside out when we no longer seek to live from the outside in, seeking that contentment in things and people. 

I have learned the over the last five years how to live from the inside out and it has been the most freeing gift I have given myself. 

Of course I had to seek after this freedom with the tenacity of a pit bull. To go after all the pockets of conditioning I have acquired to really feel Whole and Complete despite what my bank balance is, what I weigh or what my kids are doing and achieving, or the car I drive, house I live in and so on. 

It has been an amazing journey of really peeling back my protective emotional gear, of honestly saying ouch that hurts, and then using the techniques I learned from Tom Stone of Great Life Technologies, to access the stored conditioning that keeps me looking for myself where I am NOT. 

Funny thing is clients often tell me living in awareness and moving towards a more conscious way of living is time consuming! Actually at first it does seem that way as you consider what you are thinking and your actions, as they are all suspect to the conditioning. But if you calculate how much time you spend being miserable about your thoughts and actions in life while “Looking for yourself where you are NOT!” it is not really time consuming at all. It is actually freeing and empowering to live life not stuck in an old script of I should be yada yada by now or if I had this I would be happier. 

There are several ways to start peeling back the conditioning of Looking for myself where I am not!: 

Make a list of all the things you would be happier if you had them in your life? 

How long would you be happier, an hour, a day, a week or maybe even a year? Most likely your happiness would ebb in time as all things we build excitement about attaining wanes rapidly. 

What would it feel like inside? How will it add to your value? When you have this list, ask how does it physically feel in your body that you do not feel that way now? 

Typically your body will answer with a feeling in your chest, solar plexus or stomach like a field of energy; it can be like a weight, pressure or just a staticy feeling. 

Not having what you believe would make you feel better or fulfilled typically creates feelings of less than and your body will show you where you feel this lack. 

I can teach you how to resolve these feelings so that you are no longer driven to acquire people or things to fulfill a vacuum of needing outside confirmation of your value. Instead you will feel Whole and Complete from the inside out. No longer needing outside sources to give you value. 

I am currently giving teleseminars weekly on Tuesdays at 4:00PM PST or Thursdays at 11AM PST if you want to join the calls and learn the techniques and tools I will be teaching on conditioning we all receive while growing up. There is also Resisting Feeling Things Fully and Forcing an Outcome and others. 

Join the calls for no cost by registering at http://liveforclarity.com/?page_id=45, if you found value you can then go back to this page and pay thru pay pal what you like. 

I am not putting a price on the calls as they are if you find value and what you can afford. 

I understand more than ever that times are tough and people are working hard to make ends meet.  People can benefit from learning these techniques and tools. 

I am coming from a whole and complete place, so I don’t need to set a certain amount of value on the sessions, you do. 

Enthusiastically, 

BarBara 

BarBara@BarBaraWhorley.com feel free to contact me.

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Pasta against the Wall of Life.

29 Nov 2010 | By

A couple of days ago I posted the following on my Facebook wall.
BarBara Whorley “There is nothing like being in the moment responding authentically to what IS! Instead of brining old baggage and stories into the mix, just being present. Love it! Clarity is the outcome not reactivity to what was! Just a little Pasta against your wall of relationships.”
Some of the feedback I received was that the post challenged people to re evaluate the way they show up in their relationships, generally people liked it. One person didn’t and here is his post. We will call him Rob:
Rob “OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! enough of the analytical rhetoric”
When I read it my reaction was Wow that is an interesting post. Then I got the real sense somehow I hit a nerve and seriously annoyed Rob.
I let him know he could delete me from his friends if he didn’t want to be bothered reading my post, his challenge was easy to fix.

This morning as I was walking with my Boys (my four legged sons) I reflected on what Rob wrote on my wall. Was I annoyed he voiced his opinion, No I actually enjoy others perspectives, and love a good banter. The thing I found fascinating is he felt the need to be rude in sharing his perspective and opinion of my post with me. Rob had a real need to be seen as right and to put me in my place. He was expressing a conditioning called “Excluding others perspectives.” This insidious conditioning is given to us from our early childhood. Oh by conditioning, I mean it is what is taught to us repetitively over time from when were a small child through our parents, other significant individuals and experiences through out our lives. We take it on as truth and it shapes our beliefs as to how we view the world. One of the biggest conditioning we receive from our parents is to “resisting feeling fully” at all cost. Conditioning is universal. No one grows up without some conditioning. We have all heard in some form of another “Wipe that look of your face or I will” or “Stop crying or I will give you a reason to cry.” From the time we can remember when we were expressing our dislike or unhappiness about something in our lives, the significant adults told us to stop crying, which in essence is expressing our feelings!

The conditioning of “Excluding Others Perspectives” is seen by extreme fundamentalists of many religions, stating you must rid the world of the sinners or do not associate with this or that group. It is as if they are afraid their beliefs will be watered down. As a result, you cannot reason with someone like that or share your views with them, if it is at all different then their core belief.
When a person is living in the conditioning of “Excluding others perspectives” they cannot stand to be around those who do not believe like them. They have to point out all that is perceived wrong about that person or beliefs. They are driven to prove they are right and seen, read or heard as right. They cannot consider the other persons ideas or beliefs as valid. When a person is like this they are very difficult to have a relationship with them as there is no learning from others or exchanging of ideas with mutual respect. It will always boil down to an “I am right you are wrong” agenda.
You may have or had someone in your life who comes to mind right now as you read this blog, who raised you, or a teacher, a person you knew or know who lives in that conditioning of “Excluding others perspectives”
They are difficult to be around because if you do believe or say something that is not according to their way of thinking or being their need to be right is much more powerful than the ability to converse about the idea at hand. They tend to be bullies, rude, overpowering, plan and simply difficult to be close to.
Now all of us have some degree of this conditioning and it may only rears its ugly head and we become over reactive, when we feel personally threatened. We cannot escape the conditioning that happens to all of us as we were raised by parents who received conditioning from their parents and so on. The gift we can discover in life is how to resolve the conditioning so that we can come from a place of unconditional love which in turn results in not feeling the need to control situations and people or their beliefs.
So back to Rob… When I read his post I was struck by his incredible need to be sarcastic, judgmental and seen as right and make me wrong.
I wondered what his personal intimate relationships must be like, especially if they express feelings or beliefs that are different then his, or a different view point. Would he be harsh and rude? What about his work life? If he is a director or manager how fun would it be to work under him? I could imagine him bellowing to his underlings about how it is done his way. What kind of parent would he be? “My way or the highway!”
It made me ask where in my life am I “Excluding others perspectives”? Am I judging others who believe differently? Where am I not showing up in unconditional love and instead harshly sharing my viewpoint with little consideration of how they receive it?
So I took inventory asking myself “Where am I showing up in my life like Rob?
In the past I would have filled pages of instances I showed up angry, judgmental, non loving, needing to be seen as right, and more of this insidious conditioning “Excluding others perspectives”. After much work using the techniques I now train others in, regarding this post from Rob, I only needed to admit that initially I wanted to delete him or block him as a friend on Facebook. But after checking in with myself I was ok with Rob’s post and will keep it there. It reminds me I don’t ever want to go back to being like again!
Where in your life are you coming from “Excluding others perspectives”? Judging, needing to be right, angry, and being rude because they deserve it. Or it is your right to tell them how they need to see things!
Are you willing to come from an open heart and mind about others perspectives on life and possibly learning from others who come from a different view point?
I hope this post was helpful to engage you in thought about how you show up in your relationships and world.
Have a most awesome day!
Enthusiastically,
BarBara

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